Canadian Girls Resemble Birds

Canadian girls resemble birds. As a general rule. I absolutely do not mean this in a bad way. It is just that throughout my travels to Canada, whilst milling about in stores and streets and shopping malls and restaurants, being immersed in the public, and sort of osmotically taking in in aggregate the faces of passersby — and gradually becoming plagued by a nagging suspicion in the back of my mind that there was in fact some elusive differentiating quality in how everyone there looked, along the lines of the way young faces from old photographs look subtly different from young faces now — I have observed and encountered an initially-disproportionate-seeming number of local females (of all ages, body types, and ethnic backgrounds) whose facial features strike me as tending toward the vaguely avian: thin-bridged whittled-sharp noses, tapered teardrop chins, elegantly wide-spaced eyes kept ever alert and chillingly limpid, a downward angularity to the lips and mouth that seems both demure and predatory (and/or both pouty and anatine), poised jawlines, raptorially-arched eyebrows, graceful curving necks, etc., and overall an abiding sense of facial streamlining, as though the skin and hair and dainty bird-bones had all been sculpted and drawn backward just ever so slightly in response to high-speed wind- and water-resistance; so that although you don’t actually see the beaks and bills and feathers and crests, your mind just subliminally fills them in for you. // I am confident that this assessment is hardly a revelation. Canadian girls know it and are proud of it. It certainly explains the popularity of the 2000 hit single “I’m Like a Bird”, by Canadian pop star Nelly Furtado, who is about as uncannily birdlike of face as one could dream of this side of Charles Le Brun. // (I am, perhaps judiciously, having a bit more difficulty discerning any sort of consistent character to the faces of Canadian males, other than that there’s an unsurprising prevalence of likenesses to scrappy woodland mammals.)