Last week I spend some time during the day sanding and oiling a new pair of butcher-block countertops that I did not construct. One sits atop a kitchen cabinet and the other sits on a matching utility shelf. Both are freestanding and kitchen-counter height. I sand them with 150 and 220 grit sandpaper first. A few hours later between computer tasks I oil the countertops with butcher block oil — actually labeled oil and finish, which sounds like a command. I am informed that this brand of oil and finish I’ve bought is not really an oil, but rather a complex, occult cocktail of tung oil, long oil alkyd resin, Stoddard solvent, mixed isomers, and a grand goulash of other chemical schmutzes. I refer to it as an an oil anyway, since the word oil appears first on the label. Evidently woodworking pros scoff at anyone who uses this shit. The fumes smell sweet and dangerous. I have unwisely disregarded the warnings to wear a face mask and to apply in a well-ventilated area. As a result I have breathed too much of the stuff. Not a lot a lot, but too much nonetheless. I have no doubt inhaled volumes of sanding sawdust too. I will pay for this in my old age — or possibly the payment will be an old age hastened.

The wood drinks up the oil, amplifying the grain colors very beautifully. In many places the oiled grain takes on an affecting pearlescent luster, which I did not expect but am glad to see. This first coat takes several hours to dry. I return to working at the computer as the drying oil’s fragrance fills up the house, sickening the houseplants and ironing out my cortical gyri and sulci. A couple days later I re-sand lightly with 400 grit, then apply another oil coat. I may be building up an immunity to the oil fumes, or else succumbing to them. The oil-soaked cloth I’ve used must be disposed of in an oil-soaked-cloth-type disposal place and I promise not to disregard this part. I still need to re-sand again and may add more coats this week. I am obviously not good at this but the idea here is for the countertops to look a notch above OK-to-passable while being able to withstand grievous kitchen abuse. They can always be re-oiled and are supposed to be, periodically. Just kidding about the grievous kitchen abuse. The worst these countertops need to withstand is being covered with clutter, being splashed with bad beverages, being leaned on in moments of vacuous contemplation, and being bumped into in the dark.